Like a Zombie

Man…first I thought, “It’s a Monday. Mondays are always hard.”

Then I realized it was Wednesday.

And when Thursday came, I mistakingly thought, “Fridays are just rough because everyone just wants to be done.”

And when today finally DID come — wow. What a Friday it was. We’ll just say it was a fitting end to this challenging week.

I don’t even really know for sure why it was so hard…

I mean, yeah, a sad, sick, crabby, teething baby Bria isn’t too fun…

And a red-nosed, hacking-up-a-lung, won’t-sleep Zachary is pretty sad…

And an ornery, stubborn, sassy Levi is always a struggle to be patient with…

And an Owen who picks on Levi who picks on Zachary who picks on Bria is dang annoying…

And a forgetful, entitled, squirt-of-a-teenager in Benjamin is hard to get used to…

And Mike’s job is stressful and super busy and he’s about to become Rotary president and he helps do the Boy Scouts and he has city council meetings he goes to and I want to support him but it stinks not having him home much…

And we’re battling a flea problem with our cats…

And our dogs found a way out of the fence and took off…

And we’re working like mad (but not getting very far) in trying to catch up and get schoolwork done and assignments turned in and papers sent in before the end of the school year in a month and I ask myself on a regular basis if I can really continue homeschooling…

And the everyday noise, chaos, wrestling, dirt, mess, laundry, noise, and more noise that comes with the territory of boys is absolutely exhausting…

And the baby’s crawling and climbing and reaching and just getting into everything faster than I can keep track of her and clean up her destruction…

And I’m Just. So. Tired.

And…I yelled.

And…I screamed.

And…I cried.

And…I threw stuff.

And…I kicked a door…and broke it.

Yeah…it’s been a rough week. And I don’t think anyone likes me very much right now. I’ve been a witch. Sometimes they might’ve kind of deserved it…but really, I know better.

So I apologize. And then apologize again. And shower them with love. And some more love. And more apologies, of course.

And I am absolutely IN AWE at how quick these people I’ve been given to teach and train and raise and love and nurture — can forgive.

I mean, really?? I still remember being mad at my mom for cutting my bangs too short, and making her cry because I was so mean about it and said I was gonna keep that paper bag on my head forever so I could hide my hideousness from everyone. I mean I guess I eventually forgave her, and she might not even remember it now, but will my kids remember seeing me lose it and throw a fit like a 2 year-old and kick a hole in a door?

They probably will.

But they’ve already forgiven me for it.

Sometimes I want to feel so justified in being mad about stuff. But it’s really just a bunch of hogwash. Who cares, in the long run? There are so many things I turn into a big deal that really don’t matter that much. The PEOPLE matter.

“Don’t let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” — Thomas S. Monson

Okay I SO need to put that on my wall.

And on my ceiling.

And in my fridge.

And in my car.

And in my purse.

And on my mirror.

And plaster it onto my heart so that I’ll never ever forget that these PEOPLE are more important than just about anything else on the planet.

So I feel like a zombie. Big deal. I knew this motherhood thing wasn’t going to be all peaches and cream.

So I just BARELY got a shower for the first time in days. Woe is me. Did I even stop to feel grateful for that amazing shower I’ve been coveting for days? No. Not till just now.

I’m a MOM. I’m a WIFE. I am crazily blessed with SO much. Hard days come and go. I know that. But I need to let it go and move forward. Enough is enough. Get over yourself, Kaatia. You can cry about it, it’s even okay to scream about it once in a while, but deal with it and then move on and for heaven’s sake, don’t wallow.

Zombie or no, here I come.

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